Let’s talk about…cellulite 😲

I first became conscious of what cellulite was in my teens in the late 1990s. ¬†Stick thin supermodels were still in, and it’s what everyone wanted to be. ¬†It would be many more years to the “strong is beautiful” movement would start. ¬†And just like all the girls I knew, I wanted to look like one of those supermodels or the girls on Beverly Hills 90210. ¬†I’ve already written about coming to terms with my body (you can already read about it here), but this story goes a little deeper, and if you’re a woman over age 18, I think you might be able to relate.

Once cellulite as a “thing” entered my consciousness, I lived in fear of the day it would show up on me. ¬†As a dancer, I was always running around in leotards and costumes, and I remember constantly checking to make sure it wasn’t there. ¬†When I was 21 I was teaching dance, and I performed in the company recital that year. ¬†I remember going back to check the tape to make sure I still didn’t have any cellulite. It became a bit of an obsession, and I really don’t know why – BECAUSE I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE ANY!

It’s like I knew it would come one day though. ¬†And it did. ¬†I was 22, and it just showed up out of nowhere. ¬†I hadn’t changed anything about my lifestyle or habits, but there it was. ¬†And it was my mission to keep it hidden. ¬†I thought I was doing a really good job too! ¬†Then one day, I remember getting into an argument with a boyfriend at the time, and he threw an insult at me…about my cellulite. ¬†I was distraught. ¬†I thought no one had noticed.

Over the years, it became a real point of shame for me, especially as I moved into the fitness industry. ¬†No matter how lean I got, it was still there. ¬†Even when I’d cut weight (my lowest weights were 116 and 119 at various times), it was still there. ¬†So I’d mostly wear pants, avoid swim wear, and constantly check to see whether or not it was visible. ¬†It seemed like all the other fit girls didn’t have any, but I did. ¬†I do.

Like many women, I’d purchased some creams, rollers, and other things that made promises of helping my problem, but nothing helped. ¬†I felt stuck and ashamed. If eating crazy clean, training 5-6 times a week, and getting down to around 15% body fat didn’t make the appearance go away, what would?

Well, nothing. ¬†I still have that same cellulite that first appeared when I was 22 years old. ¬†The difference now is that it’s ok. ¬†I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m totally fine with it because I’m not. ¬†I hate that it’s still an issue that weighs on me when my work is meant to help women love and become the healthiest, most confident versions of themselves. ¬†But I’m MUCH more accepting of what is now! ¬†I’ve been proudly wearing shorts the past few years without really thinking about it too much.

My quest is no longer for perfection because it’s not a real thing anyway. ¬†I do the best with what I’ve got. ¬†I take amazing care of my body, and I’m incredibly proud of that. ¬†I share this unflattering story with you today because I know I’m not alone in my struggle to embrace a “flaw”. ¬†I know I’m not the only one who has limited my wardrobe or had extremely negative, damaging thoughts about myself because of this physical trait.

Though I still don’t like it (really, I doubt anyone ever will!), it doesn’t stop me from being the authentic, generous, passionate, hard-working, and creative person I aim to be. ¬†I am so much more than the shape of my body, and so are you. ¬†It’s easy to preach self-love, but what I’ve learned is that it’s a true daily practice.

If you can relate to this, I’d love for you to reply. ¬†And if you can, I hope my story helps in some way. <3

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